Dare You to Move
by Helena of Trebond
Summary: QuiGon has unitentionally led ObiWan to believe that he's unwanted. But will QuiGon be able to show him that he has something to live for, before it's too late? COMPLETE
1. Prologue

**Dare You to Move**

Prologue

_By: Helena of Trebond_

Obi-Wan Kenobi was a wonderful padawan. He was the best student, he always did extra work, helped his fellow padawan learners, and did his best to listen to his Master, Qui-Gon Jinn.

But all he did was done with a sort of detachment. It was as if he were just wishing that he would simply disappear.

Qui-Gon did nothing to help at all. He, too, was more than a little detached. This untrusting manner was caused by the betrayal of his former padawan, Xantos.

But no one noticed. Qui-Gon was calm not, his emotions only becoming negative when he thought of Xantos. Obi-Wan, too, seemed calm, and he had better mental shields than some full Knights.

And so, life went on normally for the Master-Padawan team...

Obi-Wan was dressed and eating the breafkast he'd made for them when Qui-Gon woke up. As usual.

"Good morning, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon greeted his padawan.

"Good morning, Master," Obi-Wan replied. Qui-Gon never noticed that Obi-Wan never called him anything other than Master or sir. Obi-Wan assumed that he didn't really care what he said or did.

"I may be a bit late for 'saber practice, tonight," Qui-Gon said. "Another Council meeting."

"Alright, Master."

"Did you finish reading the background information for your classes today?" Qui-Gon asked. As if he really needed to.

"Yes, Master," Qui-Gon also didn't notice the dull, unhappy tone to Obi-Wan's voice. Like everyone else, he mistook it for a calm tone, and thought nothing of it. Once again, Obi-Wan assumed he didn't care.

"How did yesterday's 'saber class go?"

"Very well, Master."

"What katas are you working through?"

"Ten through twenty, Master."

"You know one through nine?"

"Yes, Master." Obi-Wan had known them for three months now. Qui-Gon never noticed.

"I look forward to seeing them tonight in practice."

"Of course, Master."

"We should both be going now, otherwise we'll be late."

"Yes, Master."

Obi-Wan's first class was, in fact, 'saber practice. He loved this class--one of the only ones he didn't share with Bruck.

Bruck. That boy was the reason for Obi-Wan's current depression. Bruck's constant torture, along with his Master's apparent indifference to him.

"Show me katas one through thirty!" The Jedi in charge of teaching the 'saber class barked at them. Obidently, Obi-Wan took out his lightsaber and began with kata number one. He quickly went through the first twenty, and moved on to twenty-one. He didn't notice the look of surprise on the Jedi's face.

They weren't supposed to know anything past twenty yet.

Obi-Wan was asked to see Master Hirasu about his studies after the 'saber class. He did so eagerly, knowing it would get him more time away from Bruck and his gang.

Master Hirasu entered the room quickly, and she smiled at Obi-Wan. He bowed.

"Well now, I'm told that you are quite good with your lightsaber, Obi-Wan. How did you learn what you know if you didn't get it from class?" She asked curiously.

"I don't sleep well, Master Hirasu. So I train a lot," Obi-Wan answered.

"I see. And you still manage to stay awake in the daytime?" Obi-Wan nodded.

"Before I came here--to be a Jedi, I never slept much, either. I guess I just never got out of that habit," Obi-Wan mentally scolded himself. He wasn't supposed to think about the time before this...

"Ah, well. It has come to our attention that you have far surpassed others your age--in more that just lightsaber techniques. That's quite a feat." Master Hirasu said to him.

"Thank you, Master Hirasu."

"It's only the truth, Obi-Wan. Now, would you be alright having accelerated lessons with two others?" She asked him. _Force, please don't let Bruck be one of them!_ He thought, and nodded.

"Good, good. Their names are... Garen and Bant, I believe." Obi-Wan let out a relieved sigh, and gave Master Hirasu a large smile, mostly forced. Though it was slightly real--Bant was a friend of his. Not a very good friend, but a friend nevertheless.

"I will let you have the rest of the day free of lessons, then. I'll see you tomorrow." Obi-Wan bowed again, and headed for the gardens to meditate.

Qui-Gon was late for their evening 'saber practice that night. When he did come, he found his padawan doing a series of complex moves--some of which were meant for fully-trained Knights. Glancing at the dial level, he blinked in surprise. 26. That was the level of someone about to take the trials, and Obi-Wan was only thirteen !

During the meeting, Master Yoda had informed him that Obi-Wan would begin to receive special lessons with Master Hirasu. That, too, had surprised him.

Qui-Gon stood watching his padawan perform moves that he hadn't learned until he was a senior padawan. He could tell that Obi-Wan was so deeply focused on the practice that he hadn't noticed Qui-Gon there.

Then as the young boy executed a particularly difficult block, his shields faltered for a moment. Suddenly Qui-Gon was struck by feelings of a deep depression through their training bond.

When the shields came back up a split second later, he stood blinking rapidly. Had he just imagined all of that? Yes, he decided, he must have. Obi-Wan wasn't depressed.

As Obi-Wan ended the practice, flipping and then landing gracefully on the balls of his feet, Qui-Gon shut the droids off.

Finally Obi-Wan noticed him.

"Master," He said, and Qui-Gon was once again surprised as he saw how little that practice had tired the young boy.

"Where did you learn that? Surely not from class," Qui-Gon asked. Like Master Hirasu, he merely sounded curious.

"I come here when I can't sleep," Obi-Wan answered softly, not looking at him.

"From the looks of it, you don't sleep much at all, do you?" Qui-Gon asked dryly.

Obi-Wan shook his head. He wanted to say as little about it as possible. After all, he didn't want to tell his Master about his nightmares. It would only be another unwanted burden.

"Well, it would seem that you've had more than enough practice this evening. I have to return for another meeting with the Council," Qui-Gon told him, and Obi-Wan nodded.

"I should be back sometime later tonight," Qui-Gon then said and then left, and Obi-Wan waited until he was out of sight to un towards the elevators.

Tonight he needed to be alone, and what better place than the roof in the middle of a freezing cold winter?

_Welcome to the fallout_

_Welcome to resistance_

_The tension is here_

_Between who you are and who you could be_

_Between how it is and how it should be..._

-Switchfoot, "Dare You to Move"


	2. One: Hello

**Dare You to Move**

Part I: Hello

_By: Helena of Trebond_

A young padawan girl named Kara ran as fast as she could through the halls of the Jedi Temple. Everyone she passed warned her that she would be punished by the Masters for running in the halls again--this was a repeated mistake of the blonde girl's. But at that moment, she didn't care about the Master's punishing her--she needed to find one of them.

Reaching out with the Force, she found the nearest Master to be Master Conte, her own Master.

Kara ran around the corner, and skidded to a stop before her Master.

"Kara? What have I told you ab--"

"Master, there's a boy!" She said frantically. The Jedi Master raised an eyebrow. It was rare for his padawan to interrupt him, so she was pretty worked up about something.

"Where, Kara?" He asked.

"On the roof! He's just... sleeping," Kara told him. Master Conte smiled for a moment--a, how innocent eight-year-olds were...

Then the reality of the situation hit him. Kara said that there was a boy, asleep on the roof. Now, it was particularly hard to fall asleep on the roof, during winter, no less--

He began running down the halls as he realized what must have happened. "Go back to our apartment and wait for me there, Kara!" He yelled to his padawan, not looking back.

The boy Kara was talking about could have done a number of things. He could have slipped and hit his head, passed out from the cold, overexerted himself, or (and this was something Master Conte did not want to consider, but had to) it could have been a suicide.

Running up the last flight of stairs--it was quicker than taking the elevator at this time of day--he threw open the door to the roof.

Immediately he saw the boy Kara had been talking about, lying on the roof covered in a thin layer of snow. Instantaneously he recognized the boy, and felt something inside of him relax slightly. It was Obi-Wan Kenobi--there was no way that this boy had attempted suicide.

Crouching down beside the boy, he took stock of his appearance. He was shivering, which was to be expected, but there were no actual injuries. Obi-Wan would be fine with a day or two with the Healers.

Picking the boy up, he was surprised at how light he truly was. Far too light to be considered healthy. Davius Conte made a mental note to tell the Healers when he got the boy there.

He walked at a slower pace as he made his way to the Healers, not wishing to jostle the boy by running. All the same, Davius made it to the infirmary in under five minutes.

"Force! What happened to him?" One of the Healers, a kind woman named Ravin, asked him. "Put him over on the bed right there."

"Kara found him on the roof--unconscious." Davius answered, laying the limp boy down on the bed that Ravin had indicated.

"From the looks of him, I think it may have been an attempted suicide. No, don't give me that look Davius Conte! I'm being serious here. What position was he in when you found him?" She asked. Davius quickly described what he could remember about the boy's condition, wondering why in the name of the Force Ravin suspected Obi-Wan Kenobi of attempting suicide!

"Hm... sounds to me like he was just sitting there and fell back when he passed out. Tell me, what other reasonable explanation there could be for someone to be on the roof in the middle of the winter!" Ravin asked, setting to work on warming the boy. Davius drew a blank--what she was saying made sense. But really, this was _Obi-Wan Kenobi _they were talking about! Perfect padawan, model student, always the image of a perfect Jedi. Why would he try to kill himself? What reason would there possibly be?

"Go inform the boy's master of his condition, Davius. Then go to your own rooms--you also have a padawan to care for." Ravin reminded him softly. He nodded, and left the infirmary, looking back once more at the still unconcious boy on the bed.

Qui-Gon Jinn sat at his desk, reading a datapad of information he'd gotten from the Council earlier that day, when he heard three swift, sharp knocks on his door. Getting up, he pressed the button to the left of it, and the door slid sideways. He blinked when he saw his fellow Master, Davius Conte. What reason would he have for visiting him? They weren't very close to one another. In fact, the two hardly ever spoke.

"Qui-Gon," Davius said, refusing to meet his eyes. He knew how difficult it could be for a Master to hear that their padawan was hurt--especially under circumstances such as the ones concerning Obi-Wan.

"Yes?"

"You're needed in the infirmary."

"Why?" Qui-Gon was puzzled, as well as slightly panicked. He _hated_ the infirmary, and he didn't want to go if he didn't have to.

Taking a deep breath, Davius felt a sudden pang of sadness as he mentally pictured the limp 13 ? year old boy. Shaking his head to clear it of the image, he sighed. It was now or never.

"Obi-Wan's... not doing well at the moment." How was Davius supposed to explain this to Qui-Gon? "Oh, hi! My padawan found your padawan unconcious on the roof, and Healer Ravin suspects suicide!" Definitely not.

"Is he sick?"

"You could say that." Qui-Gon nodded, and Davius stepped aside so that the long-haired Jedi had room to walk. Closing the door, he started for the infirmary.

"I'm sure Healer Ravin will inform you of the details. At the moment, I have to return to my own padawan."

"Thank you."

"You're quite welcome."

Qui-Gon walked to the infirmary silently, worrying over his padawan. What was wrong with Obi-Wan? It wasn't normal for him to get sick. Why was he in the infirmary, then?

He finally reached it, and walked quickly through the doors. Healer Ravin spotted him instantly, and nodded to him. He walked over, and saw Obi-Wan on one of the beds, shivering a bit.

The ginger-haired boy gave the two adults an apologetic smile as he saw them.

"I'm sorry. I was up on the roof, meditating, and I guess I lost track of how long I was out there," Obi-Wan told them, and then sneezed.

"Why didn't you just go to the gardens?" Qui-Gon asked curiously. This wasn't surprising. Every time Obi-Wan meditated, he fell so deeply into a trance that it was very hard to shake him out of it.

"The initiates were doing a bit of extra training with Master Yoda," Obi-Wan replied, and Qui-Gon nodded. Everyone avoided the gardens when the initiates were there. They were a loud bunch, making it impossible to think. "I also wanted to see the snow."

Obi-Wan was sincerely hoping that Qui-Gon did not ask why he didn't just go back to their apartment. He didn't want to have to explain that he just didn't want to be there, when it had his Master's Force signature all over the place. That would only make him more depressed.

He was quite relieved when Qui-Gon nodded. Healer Ravin sighed. It was obvious that she didn't believe his story. She was right not to, since it wasn't true in the slightest. Obi-Wan had tried to meditate, but found that all he could do were think sad thoughts about his master, and the world in general.

"Well, now that's settled, Master Jinn would you mind informing Master Hirasu that Obi-Wan will be missing class tomorrow? He has a fever," Healer Ravin explained. The tall Jedi Master nodded, knowing that she was kicking him out.

"Of course. I'll see you tomorrow then, Obi-Wan." He gave him a smile, and turned to leave.

Obi-Wan watched him walk off, not hearing anything Healer Ravin said to him. Slowly his eyes closed, and he slept once more...

_If I smile and don't believe_

_Soon I know I'll wake from this dream_

_Don't try to fix me--I'm not broken_

_Hello, I'm the lie_

_Living for you so you can hide_

_Don't cry..._

_-Evanescense, "Hello"_


	3. Two: Hello, Part 2

**Dare You to Move**

Part II: Hello, Part II

_By: Helena of Trebond_

**Note: The lyrics at the end aren't really correct, but hey, they fit. (I mean the whole 'she' thing.)**

Obi-Wan woke quickly, and suddenly wished he hadn't. Staying outside in the snow for an hour or two had certainly taken it's toll on him. He now suffered from a fever and severe headache.

His vision was fuzzy, his head hurt, and he felt as if anything he ate would make it's way out in a rather messy and unpleasant way. Groaning, he tried to sit up, but Obi-Wan collapsed back onto the bed as the room around him spun.

"I advise you not to try that again," Healer Ravin said gently, a stern edge to her voice. He knew she was unhappy with him for lying about the reason he'd stayed outside the night before. But she hadn't asked why, and he wasn't about to tell her on his own.

"Go back to sleep," she said, using a strong Force suggestion. Obi-Wan felt his eyelids fall shut, and the soft mutterings of Healer Ravin about "foolish old Masters who ignore their padawans."

Qui-Gon rubbed his forehead, setting down the datapad he'd been staring at for a little over three hours.

"This is impossible," He muttered, and leaned back in his chair. He couldn't think about missions when Obi-Wan was in the Healers' Wing. He knew that it wasn't anything life-threatening, but still...

Qui-Gon had accepted his padawan's excuses about falling too deeply into his meditation, but he could tell that Healer Ravin hadn't. Why, though? Both had every reason to believe him. After all, Obi-Wan was known around the Temple for his exceptional meditation skills. He fell into such a deep, calm state that he blocked out everything else. So why did Healer Ravin suspect him of lying? Obi-Wan wouldn't ever lie to them.

_Would he?_, Qui-Gon shook his head. _Stop this! Obi-Wan is not Xantos, Qui-Gon._

But he couldn't shake the feeling of unease that gripped him whenever he thought of his apprentice.

Healer Ravin frowned as she made her third stop that day in Obi-Wan's room. He should have been getting better. This was nothing life-threatening, and he normally would have gotten over it quite easily.

But instead of getting better, Obi-Wan was steadily getting worse. At first it had been nothing to worry about—just a small fever, and an unsettled stomach. Now, though, was a different story. His temperature was 103, his breathing was fast and shallow, he had a horrible cough, and anything they tried to get him to eat wouldn't stay down.

They hadn't been able to reach Qui-Gon as of yet—every time they tried to contact him in the quarters he shared with Obi-Wan, no one had answered.

Suddenly the beeps on the heart monitor began to quicken. Glancing at it, Healer Ravin swore loudly. His temperature was rapidly going up, too.

"Get me some Alzenek!" She yelled out the open door. Instantly she heard someone running towards the room. It was one of the apprentice healers, Tari.

"Here," He said, and handed her the medicine. Quickly Ravin injected the substance into his arm, and his heart rate began to drop back into the normal range, and his temperature dropped back to 103 again.

Sighing, she turned to Tari.

"Have someone get Qui-Gon Jinn over here as soon as possible, alright, Tari?" He nodded, and raced off.

Sliding into one of the chairs beside the bed, she narrowed her eyes as she thought of the boy's Master.

This was Qui-Gon's fault, she could just feel it! He had been ignoring Obi-Wan, refusing to let him get close to him. Even though she felt sorry for him because of what had happened with his last apprentice, Qui-Gon had to wake up and realize that Obi-Wan was not like Xantos. This neglect was ripping the poor boy to shreds.

Suddenly she sat straight up. That was it! He wasn't getting better because he didn't have the will to fight it anymore!

Ravin ground her teeth together. If it were her choice, she would give the boy a new Master, and send Jinn to a Soul-Healer.

She sighed again. There was nothing she could do about it, though. It wasn't her decision whether or not the pair stayed together, but she did know that if something wasn't done soon, Obi-Wan would most likely die—either from this, or something that would hurt Qui-Gon far worse.

"Master Jinn is here, in the waiting room," Tari told her. She nodded, and stood up. It took all of her will power to keep the thoughts of revenge on Qui-Gon out of her head.

"How is he?" Qui-Gon asked. Ravin was unsurprised that she didn't hear anything in his voice even resembling concern.

"Not as well as he should be. Obi-Wan should be recovering right now, but he's only getting worse as time passes," She explained. "It's very troubling. Almost as if he doesn't have the strength to fight it—like he doesn't have the will to live any longer."

Qui-Gon paled, but said nothing. He nodded for Ravin to continue.

"To put it simply, if we can't find out what's troubling him so much that he doesn't want to live anymore, then he'll die."

Qui-Gon Jinn returned to the quarters he shared with Obi-Wan as soon as he had seen Obi-Wan. The boy had looked so small and pale. He always forgot how young the boy actually was. He was always so calm, and it made Obi-Wan seem older than he truly was.

Instead of going to his own room, he opened the door to his padawan's bedroom. Standing in the doorway, he stared at the bed. He may never see Obi-Wan asleep in that bed again. He felt tears sting his eyes.

_No_, he thought determinedly, _I will not lose Obi-Wan! I lost Xantos once, and I will not make that mistake again!_

If only Obi-Wan knew how worried his Master was, perhaps all of what happened could have been avoided...

_Playground school bell rings again_

_Rain clouds come to play again_

_Has no one told you she's not breathing?_

_-Evanescence, "Hello"_


	4. Three: Hello, Part 3

**Dare You to Move**

Part II: Hello, Part III

_By: Helena of Trebond_

Obi-Wan was sitting in the middle of a lush, beautiful garden. The water from a waterfall splashed onto him, making the rock he was sitting on slightly wet.

He sighed in contentment, and drew his knees up to his chest, laying his chin down on them. Surely this was a dream. But, it felt too real to be a true dream. What was going on?

"Obi-Wan?" He turned away from the clear blue water to face the one who had called him. He blinked.

Another Obi-Wan stood before him, grinning insanely. There was a mad glint in his eyes that scared the real Obi-Wan.

Next to him was the man who had called his name. He wore black Jedi robes, and held a lightsaber in his metal hand.

"Who are you? And what are you doing in my dream?" Obi-Wan asked curiously. Just who were these two?

"I'm you. Well, the true side of you. The one who has chosen the right side, of course." The other Obi-Wan told him. Suddenly something clicked into place. This was a representation of the darkness in him. What he would be if he turned to the Dark Side of the Force.

"I am Darth Vader," The boy with the metal arm told him calmly. Obi-Wan paled. That was obviously a Sith title. But how could someone so young be a Sith?

"No. You're Anakin," The Force had told him that.

The boy scowled.

"And here I thought you wouldn't know me yet, Master." The boy said.

"Shut up," The other Obi-Wan said. "Now, since you're too stupid to understand what's going on, let me explain it to you. You're stuck in your own mind. Well, a world that your mind has created for this... special duel.

"You have to fight us, and win. Against both of us. If you win, you go back. If you lose, you join the Force. Simple enough for you?"

Obi-Wan paled. He was expected to fight two against one in his own head? But it wasn't as if he had a choice, was it?

Sliding down off of the rock, he drew and ignited his lightsaber in one swift movement.

"I'm ready."

"He's not dreaming, Ravin. Not really," Master Davius Conte said, eyes shining with confusion. "I wonder what's happening?"

"Fighting, young Obi-Wan is." Yoda said from the corner he had been standing in ever since coming to visit Obi-Wan with Davius.

"Fighting what, I wonder? The virus?"

"The virus, it is not. Make his choice, he must. Come to us he may. Go to the Force, he also might," Yoda said.

"What he means is that Obi-Wan is currently fighting in some way, and the outcome of this 'fight' will determine if he is to... become one with the Force or not," Healer Ravin said quietly. She had seen this only once before, and the patient had slipped away from them only an hour after the mysterious "fight" started. He had lost a padawan on a mission, and the grief drove him to death.

_Heartless, stupid Qui-Gon Jinn!_, Ravin thought bitterly. It was all his fault that the boy was like this! If Qui-Gon had merely taken an interest in his padawan's life, perhaps open up to him a bit, then Obi-Wan would be fine. Just fine.

"What should we tell Qui-Gon? The truth?" Ravin asked the two Masters quietly.

Davius snorted (very un-Jedi like). "Yes, that's a perfect plan! What will we say? 'Hey, Qui-Gon! There's a fifty-fifty chance that your padawan's going to die, and there's nothing you can do about it!' I'm sure he would take that well." He said sarcastically.

"Save him, Qui-Gon could." Yoda said. "Depends on how strong their bond is, it does."

"What would he have to do?"

"Into Obi-Wan's mind, he would go. Convince him that he has reason to stay here, he would." Yoda tapped his stick on the ground again, his expression thoughtful. "Obi-Wan's time to go, it is not. Needed here, he still is. See this, he must.

"Tell Obi-Wan, we will."

Obi-Wan had just barely defeated the boy that the Force told him was Anakin (but called himself Darth Vader), and had turned to attack the Dark Obi-Wan. The other version of himself had merely smiled, and sat leaning against one of the many trees in this garden.

"I'd rather talk. After all, fighting is such a waste of time and energy. Why would I want to kill you, when instead I can turn you towards real light?" He asked.

Obi-Wan cautiously disengaged his lightsaber, holding it in his hand just in case as he sat back down on the large rock by the waterfall.

"I'm curious about something. Tell me, what reason would you have for keeping yourself alive and in their world, when you can be at peace. Be one with the Force?" He asked. "There's nothing there for you."

"I have Qui-Gon."

"He doesn't want you. He never wanted you. Qui-Gon only took you as his padawan because Master Yoda never left him alone. You were passed on by all of the other Masters. Why would Qui-Gon have been any different?"

Obi-Wan could not think of a reply to this, and settled on concentrating on his breathing, which had become much too quick for his liking somewhere in that twisted conversation.

"I see you don't have an answer for me. Why don't you have any friends at the Temple?"

"Because I keep to myself and focus on my training," Obi-Wan responded instantly. This was what he had told himself hundreds of times as he sat and watched other Padawan's joking around, laughing and yelling cheerfully.

"Stop lying to me," The Dark Obi-Wan ordered him, "It's useless. We both know the truth."

"They hate me." Obi-Wan whispered. "And Qui-Gon didn't want me, because I'm not worthy of being a Jedi. I'll fail him. I've always failed him in everything I did. No matter what I tried, I'm never good enough. I'm a failure."

The Dark Obi-Wan smiled triumphantly. "That's right. You're worthless. You don't deserve to be his padawan. You don't deserve to be anyone's padawan. Am I right?"

"Yes."

"I knew you'd see it my way."

Healers walked in and out of Obi-Wan's room, checking vitals and running stats. Suddenly, one of them stopped.

"His connections with his body are getting weaker! We need Jinn to get here soon, or he's not going to make it!" She yelled over the noise of the machinery. The other healers nodded gravely.

"I'm afraid that you're right. But Master Yoda insisted upon talking to him before letting Jinn go through with this procedure."

"Assuming, of course, that he actually does want to do it," One of them pointed out, and received a glare from the others. "We have to think realistically."

"His breathing's getting shallow!"

"Fever's going up!"

"Heart rate is speeding up!"

"Get me some Amarine now!"

At this point, Tari wondered if he would make it. From the way his stats were looking, it didn't seem likely. Still, he could not give up hope, for the boy's sake.

Shaking his head to clear it, he began handing the Master Healers medicine that would—hopefully—help to save Obi-Wan Kenobi's fragile life.

_Hello _

_I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to_

_Hello..._

_-Evanescence, "Hello"_


	5. Four: Save Me

o.O … wow. It's been over two years since I've updated this fic… I'm sorry! T.T Begs forgiveness I'm sorry I made you wait, guys… But here's a little I'm sorry gift (if anyone still reads this fic, that is).

Oh, and happy turkey day!

**Dare You to Move**

Part IV: Save Me

Qui-Gon had tried to sleep, but he couldn't seem to take his mind off what the Healers had told him. What could cause Obi-Wan to lose the will to live? He did wonderfully in his classes, so it couldn't be the stress from that. Could something else be causing him stress?

He wasn't an outcast; Qui-Gon knew that his padawan had friends. Bant and Garen were the two who came to mind immediately. Qui-Gon sat up in his bed as the idea struck him, and cursed himself for not thinking of it sooner. He could as his friends what was wrong with Obi-Wan.

Getting up, he dressed quickly and left his apartment in search of his apprentice's friends.

Unfortunately, he missed the Healer who came to call him to Obi-Wan's side by less than a minute, but it was more than enough. The Healer was left to knock on the door to an empty apartment.

X

As his master struggled to find answers, Obi-Wan fought half-heartedly for his life. He remained in the garden, and began to feel the strange sensation that with every second he was losing energy and the other Obi-Wan was gaining it.

"I wonder what dying is like," he said aloud, though it came out as little more than a whisper. He had precious little energy left, and it was certainly not enough to allow him to speak clearly.

But the other Obi-Wan seemed to have heard him just fine. "I don't know. But you'll soon find out." He laughed maliciously. The sound of it made Obi-Wan quite uncomfortable. "Better get comfortable," the double snickered, "'cause your time is running out."

X

Qui-Gon had gone looking for Garen first, but soon found that the padawan was not at the Temple, out on a mission with his master. He decided then to see if Bant knew anything helpful.

It didn't take long for Qui-Gon to find Bant. She was in one of the practice rooms, running katas. She seemed no to notice his presence, continuing to fly through the movements with grace and precision. Qui-Gon hated to interrupt her, but he had begun to feel a strange, unbidden sense of urgency as he had attempted to find her.

"Excuse me," he said, and she stopped immediately. Standing still, she looked over at him.

"Master Jinn," she said respectfully, but her tone was lacking any real warmth or respect.

"I have a few questions for you, about Obi-Wan," he said bluntly. The padawan narrowed her eyes and folded her arms over her chest.

"What kinds of questions?" she asked, and Qui-Gon decided to take that as permission to ask them.

"Do you know if something has been bothering Obi-Wan?" he asked. "Something that would make him depressed?"

"Yes, there was something," she answered. "He hasn't been himself for the past few months. But I guess you haven't been paying attention, have you? It was extremely obvious that there was something wrong with him and you never bothered to find out what."

"Do you know what it was?"

"No, I don't. Maybe _you_ would, if you just paid a bit more atten—" she began, but was quickly cut off by the calm, slow voice of Master Yoda.

"Time to scold Master Jinn, there will be. Now, it is not. Needed, he is, by his padawan," he said. Bant nodded and turned her gaze to Qui-Gon.

Glaring, she told him, "If he dies, I will _never_ forgive you. No matter what a Jedi is supposed to think."

He nodded and thanked her for her time, and followed Yoda to the Healers. Bant watched them until they rounded a corner and were out of sight, and then she picked up her discarded 'saber and began her katas again.

X

Obi-Wan had, several minutes ago, laid himself down on the large rock. Even sitting took too much energy. Now his vision began to cloud, and the objects before him change shape and blur together. He closed his eyes.

"You're losing colour," the other Obi-Wan said cheerfully. "You look dead like that, laying down, white as a ghost with your eyes closed."

The ginger-haired boy tried to growl, but all that came out was a low whimper.

"Come now, don't be afraid. You're going to 'join the Force' and be _happy_," his double said mockingly. "What a load of crap. You're going to _die_ and it's going to be _over_."

Again Obi-Wan whimpered, but it was genuinely a whimper this time. He found himself afraid. He was finally doing what he had wanted to do for several months now—dying—and he was _scared_.

"Really, Obi-Wan, you shouldn't have ever been a Jedi in the first place." Obi-Wan struggled to open his eyes as he heard the voice of his master. When he finally did, he saw the other Obi-Wan morphing to take on the shape of Qui-Gon.

"Someone worthy of becoming a Jedi would not fear death. We welcome our reunion with the Force," he said. "But you _are_ afraid. Do you know what that says about you, Obi-Wan? Let me tell you. It says that you are weak. It says that you are too weak to become a Jedi. Just die already, and save us the trouble of having to send you away."

Obi-Wan felt like crying. He had always thought that this was what his master thought of him, but he had never received any real confirmation… To hear it… to hear it was far, far worse than imagining it had been.

Finally, the strength he had been using to keep his shields in place even during this fight began to dwindle, and the shields shattered.

Qui-Gon and Yoda were not far from the Healers when suddenly, Qui-Gon stopped, eyes wide, breathing suddenly becoming ragged.

"Wrong, something is?" asked Yoda.

"Yes," he said quietly. "Something _has_ been wrong. For a long, long time." Qui-Gon closed his eyes and focused on the strange emotions filling his mind. He recognised them immediately as Obi-Wan's, and knew that they came through the training bond he had with the boy. He realised that the boy had been shielding, and hiding all of these feelings.

He focused for a moment on the feelings themselves. They were all negative: despair, hurt and an intense sadness, one Qui-Gon knew would have taken years to develop. After finally becoming aware of what his padawan was feeling, Qui-Gon did what any normal master would do.

He sent feelings of calm, reassurance and affection through the bond.

Opening his eyes, he nodded to Yoda. Without another word, they continued on to the Healers.

Obi-Wan's eyes, which had fallen shut again, flew open as he felt a foreign sensation. It was someone else's feelings, brushing up against his mind. Calm, reassurance and… love? But who would love him?

With a start, Obi-Wan realised that these were Qui-Gon's feelings, and they were coming through the bond.

"It's a lie, Obi-Wan," the other Obi-Wan said, having taken back this form. "This is just Yoda, wanting to trick you into living so that you can suffer more."

"Why would Master Yoda—?" he couldn't finish.

"Because, Obi-Wan, they hate you. They all hate you."

"But what have… I ever… done to them?" Obi-Wan rasped slowly.

"You were _born_," was the answer he received. "That is enough reason to hate an abomination like _you_."

Once again, he felt like crying.

X

At last Yoda and Qui-Gon stood at the foot of Obi-Wan's bed. Qui-Gon felt a stab of pain as he saw the chalky pallor of his padawan. He was obviously dying, and it was at least partially his fault.

But there would be time to dwell on such things later. For now, he would do his best to bring Obi-Wan back.

"What must I do?" he asked Yoda.

"Into his mind, you must go," the green Jedi said, "stop the battle, you must. Not yet broken, your bond is. Use it."

Qui-Gon nodded, and sat down in the chair next to the bed. Grasping one of Obi-Wan's hands, he closed his eyes and concentrated on the bond.

Reaching out as far as he could through the bond, Qui-Gon called for his padawan.

_Obi-Wan!_

Somebody save me  
Let your waters break right through  
Somebody save me  
I don't care how you do it  
Just save, save  
Come on  
I've been waiting for you

-Remy Zero, "Save Me"


	6. Five: All Alone in Space and Time

You guys make me so happy. It's nice to know that people are still reading this, even after the two-year wait. Trust me, I have every intention of finishing this now that I've rediscovered it.

Funny story, this… I was in the mood for an Obi-Wan angst fic, so I did what every fanfiction writer/reader does: went to and plugged in my search. I found my own story and started reading it. Thing is I didn't know it was mine. I was so pissed off that the author didn't finish! I went to their profile to see if they had any other stories and then realised that the account was mine. Sad, ne? xD Haha. At least I like my own writing…

**Dare You to Move**

Part V: All Alone in Space and Time

Obi-Wan was losing what little was left of his strength quickly. He could no longer open his eyes, and he did not have the strength to speak to the other Obi-Wan. He had accepted it by now: he was going to die.

He was only slightly afraid of what would happen. He had no way of knowing what would really happen to him. Oh, yes, he knew he would join the Force, but what would it feel like? Would it feel as wonderful as all of the Jedi told him it would be? He hoped so. But anything would be better than the pain of reality.

Suddenly he felt something brush up against his mind. It felt almost like a caress, only it was more forceful than that… It was asking for entrance into his mind. Without his mental shields, he would be unable to stop it.

Obi-Wan panicked. He didn't have enough energy to call up shields, and—

Suddenly he stopped, concentrating on the feeling. The thing requesting entrance… it was trying to go through the bond he had with his master. The reason it couldn't just come through was because their bond was rarely ever used anymore.

Obi-Wan relaxed slightly, knowing that it was his master. He allowed the contact.

A moment later he wished he hadn't, as Qui-Gon's frantic calling of his name resounded in his mind, so loud that it hurt.

_Obi-Wan!_

If he had had the strength, he would have frowned. His master's tone was frantic, worried and he would have sworn that the man sounded sad, had he not known better. But why would Qui-Gon be sad about his death? Didn't he hate him?

Obi-Wan decided to use a large portion of what was left of his energy to answer.

_Master…_ It was faint, but it was there. Obi-Wan hoped that it got through—even if his master did not reciprocate the feelings, he cared for the man.

X

It was several minutes before Qui-Gon knew his cry had gotten through. Why it took so long, he had no idea. He waited, barely breathing, hoping for a reply.

He got one soon after. It was weak, barely even a whisper, but it was certainly there.

_Master…_

Qui-Gon could have wept he was so happy. His padawan was not lost yet.

_Listen to me, Obi-Wan. You are dying. You need to listen to me, and let me help you._

Once again, he waited for his plea to reach the young boy. He sat there, unaware of his surroundings, breathing shallow his hand clasping Obi-Wan's tightly.

_Please… _he prayed to the Force, _let me help him… Let me have my padawan back…_

X

Obi-Wan allowed the thought in almost immediately this time, knowing it instantly now. _Listen to me, Obi-Wan._ How could he ignore Qui-Gon? He was Obi-Wan's master, after all. It would be improper to ignore him. And Obi-Wan was nothing if not obedient.

_You are dying._ Obi-Wan would have smiled, had he been able. Of course he was dying. That much was obvious…

_You need to listen to me, and let me help you._ Help him? Help him with what? Help him reach his end? That must be it—what else could the older Jedi mean?

Obi-Wan's reply took much less time to formulate now. He answered quickly enough this time, drawing on what little energy he still possessed.

_Yes, Master… I will listen…_

X

Qui-Gon was normally a calm, rather stoic man, but at that moment he wanted to cry with relief. His padawan had agreed to listen to him, accept his aid… He was finally getting his chance to help his padawan, the way he should have done months ago, before it came to this.

_Tell me what you're seeing now._

"Qui-Gon."

The master was pulled from his trance-like state by Yoda's voice. He opened his eyes and focused on the aging Jedi.

"Running out, time is. Weaker, the boy is becoming. Transfer energy to him, you must."

Qui-Gon nodded and turned his attentions back to his padawan. _I'm giving you some of my energy. You need it more than I do, now…_

Taking a deep breath, Qui-Gon began sending his own energy through the training bond.

X

For whatever reason, Obi-Wan felt the energy before he received his master's messages.

_What…?_ he thought. _Why am I __**gaining**__ energy? I'm dying—I should be losing it… _And then he received his master's thoughts.

_Tell me what you're seeing now._ Them moments after receiving that thought, before he had a chance to respond, he heard _I'm giving you some of my energy. You need it more than I do, now…_

_No! _he responded frantically. _I'm supposed to die here… You're not supposed to save me…_

X

Again Qui-Gon wanted to cry as he heard his apprentice's response, but for a different reason entirely this time. His padawan was ready to accept death. No, not just _accept_ it, he seemed to be welcoming it! But why? Hadn't he just agreed to let Qui-Gon help him recover? Or maybe he thought that his master was going to help him end his life?

_But that's absurd_, Qui-Gon thought, confused._ Why would he think something like that?_

_Why would he want to die?_ another part of his mind countered.

Qui-Gon sighed and doubled the amount of energy he was sending to his padawan as Obi-Wan continued to lose it. Despite the extra help, he was still dying.

_I am not letting you die, padawan. You are my responsibility, and I would rather die than let anything happen to you. Let me help you, Obi-Wan._

He hoped that the realisation that Qui-Gon cared would be enough, for now at least, to convince his stubborn Obi-Wan to accept his help.

X

Obi-Wan wanted to cry. The frustration of being forced to remain in this world after welcoming death was more than enough to frustrate him. He was angry—why would his master keep toying with him like this? Giving him energy to sustain his life, trying to convince him that he cared…

He had already shown on numerous occasions that he did not. It was too late for Qui-Gon to take that back now.

_Why are you doing this? I have tried not to ask too much of you, my master, but I must ask one thing of you now: please, stop being cruel. Stop toying with me. Just let me die…_

X

Emotions clouded Qui-Gon's mind once he received Obi-Wan's reply. He was angry at his padawan for his irrational thinking, he was frustrated for not being able to subdue the boy's negative feelings, but above all he felt guilty. He hadn't felt this guilty since Xanatos…

_No. I will not think about that now. Obi-Wan needs me; I must focus._ he thought. He paused for a moment, tried to collect his thoughts, and finally decided what to say to his padawan. If his padawan would not listen to pleas, perhaps he would listen to an order.

_Obi-Wan, as your master I command you to listen to me! I am not trying to save you to prolong your suffering—I am trying to save you because I think that I can help you. I want to help you be happy, padawan. I love you. If you believe nothing else, believe that…_

He sighed and tightened his jaw, grinding his teeth together. If his padawan died…

_No. Obi-Wan will __**not**_ _die. He can't… He has too much to live for—if only he could realize it…_

He acknowledged when he did not receive a reply that he could do nothing more now but wait and continue giving his padawan precious life energy.

_Please, Obi-Wan, come back to us…_

All alone in space and time.  
There's nothing here but what's here's mine.  
Something borrowed, something blue.  
Every me and every you…

-Placebo, "Every Me and Every You"


	7. Six: Find Myself Again

Thank you to my wonderful reviewers. You guys are so encouraging… I feel so bad about leaving this story for so long, so I've decided to finish it before the Christmas holidays. Think of it as a present for you all. :D

**Dare You to Move**

Part VI: Find Myself Again

Obi-Wan had no response to his master's latest words. He was struck with disbelief, awe and suddenly, the tiniest glimmer of hope. Qui-Gon had told him that he loved him, and Obi-Wan could feel no deception in his master's thoughts.

The energy that Qui-Gon was giving him was coming to him faster than it was leaving his body. He allowed it to collect for a moment, and opened his eyes. He was still on the rock in the garden, and the other Obi-Wan was leaning against the rock wall next to the waterfall. Gritting his teeth, Obi-Wan sat up. It took much effort, and his double seemed to sense this.

"You're an idiot. Just what are you trying to accomplish by accepting Qui-Gon's help? You know he isn't sincere. You know he just doesn't want to lose face by 'failing' another apprentice," he said. "If you survive this, things will be exactly as they were before. He will go back to barely acknowledging you. To pretending that you don't exist. You don't mean anything to him."

The hope Obi-Wan had mustered flickered and nearly faded. He heard the echo of his master's words: _I love you. If you believe nothing else, believe that._

Hope, like a flame, grew within him. He stood, determined to argue with this reflection of himself until he understood.

"Even if that is true," Obi-Wan said quietly, yet firmly, "why can't I give it a chance? Perhaps this was all a misunderstanding. Maybe he really does care about me, and our relationship can be fixed."

The other boy scoffed. "Such foolish thinking will get you nowhere," he answered. "You accepted it long ago: no one cares about you, and you are going to die alone and miserable."

"I could go back and see," he said thoughtfully. "I could stay long enough to find out if things _can_ be fixed, and if they can't, I'll come right back here and finish what I started."

"It doesn't work that way," the other Obi-Wan told him. "Besides, it won't help anything to go back. It will end with the same results. Deep down, you know it."

Obi-Wan frowned, thinking. This other version of himself had said that they were in his mind, which meant that the double was part of him. The dark part, he realized with a start. The part that had the potential to turn him into a Dark Jedi, just like his master's lost apprentice, Xanatos.

"If I listen to you," he said, voice wavering slightly, "then that will mean that I gave in."

"It's better to give up in these kinds of impossible situations," the other Obi-Wan said wisely. "Why fight for something you can never hope to gain?"

Obi-Wan plowed on, ignoring the other's words. "It will mean that I gave in to the Dark Side. I might end up dead, that way, but it will be even worse than that: I will have died a Dark Jedi."

He received only laughter. "Don't be so dramatic, Obi-Wan. I'm part of you already—you've realized this, I take it. But what you haven't realized is that me being part of you means that there is darkness in you, much more darkness than you care to admit."

"When I asked Master Yoda about Xanatos, he said that everyone has darkness in them. That all beings are imperfect, but the beauty of life is the ones who can tame it. The ones who can control it, channel it and overcome that darkness to become good people," Obi-Wan said confidently. He could feel himself getting stronger, the loss of energy slowing down. "Even if I can't completely release the darkness, I can try to tame it. I don't have to end up like Xanatos. I still have a chance."

"Don't be stupid," the other said in an amused tone, "you've already failed. You've failed many, many times. Every time you become a bit too frustrated working on your katas, you give a little bit more to the darkness. Every time you feel jealous of other padawans' masters, you give a little bit more to the darkness. It is unavoidable."

Obi-Wan knew this to be true; Master Yoda had once said something to that effect. "But that doesn't mean that I have to let that darkness grow to control me."

He could see he was getting nowhere talking to the other Obi-Wan. He had no choice. With a sense of determination and clinging to the hope he had found in his master's kind words, he drew his 'saber and ignited it.

It was time to finish this.

X

"His heart rate…"

Qui-Gon opened his eyes and lifted his head as he heard a Healer speak quietly. Qui-Gon narrowed his eyes, fearing the worst.

"What?" he asked. The Healer looked to him, a relieved look on his face.

"It's picking up again. It's getting stronger," he said. "And his breathing is evening out a little. His fever is still the same, but we were more worried about his vitals."

"He's stabilizing?" Qui-Gon said. He received a nod and a small smile. "Thank the Force…"

"Over yet, it is not," said Yoda, breaking the momentary peace that had washed over the Jedi master. "A fight, Obi-Wan has still."

"Then this is the calm before the storm?" asked one of the Healers. "He's going to get worse again?"

"Getter better, he will," said Yoda, "or perish."

"And it all depends on whether or not he wins this fight in his mind?" asked Qui-Gon. He felt distinctly uncomfortable with the fact that his padawan was fighting and he could not help him.

"But help him, you can," said Yoda. "Continue to send positive feelings to him, you should, though answer he may not."

Qui-Gon nodded. Closing his eyes and bowing his head again, he focused on the bond. He tried to capture all of his love and pride for the boy and send it through the bond. He sent hope, and even a little of his fear. He wanted Obi-Wan to know that he did not relish the idea of his death.

He only hoped that it would, in some way, help.

X

Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me  
Distracting/reacting  
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection  
It's haunting how I can't seem...

To find myself again

My walls are closing in

Without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take

I've felt this way before

So insecure….

-Linkin Park, "Crawling"


	8. Seven: These Wounds, They Will Not Healq

Aw, thank you guys:D You're all so nice to me in your reviews. I'm glad you like it.

**Dare You to Move**

Part VII: These Wounds, They Will Not Heal

The two Obi-Wans circled each other, sabers drawn and ignited. Obi-Wan could sense his malevolent double's nervous thoughts—he was no longer sure that he could overpower the Light in Obi-Wan.

Yet the padawan himself was slightly fearful. He did not know the outcome of this particular battle; he only knew what he _hoped_ the result would be. He hoped that he would be able to overcome this dark part of him that had made itself known, but he feared that he might not be able to.

He shook his head, a slight grin playing on his young face. This was exactly the sort of thing that had led to the creation of this darkness in him. Allowing his fear to outshine his hope in too many cases had allowed the negative feelings to pile up, one on top of another, until Obi-Wan could no longer control them.

Closing his eyes, ceasing his movements and taking a deep breath, he fought to release his fear into the force. It worked, after a moment, and his use of the force brought back his awareness of the training bond he shared with his master. Through it, he felt his master's love and pride, and he smiled. The smile faded slightly as he felt a slight bit of fear. It was definitely his master's, and he knew it was fear that this battle would end in death for his padawan.

Obi-Wan sent back his own feelings of love, and his feelings of hope. He was warned by the force just in time of the other Obi-Wan's attack, and his eyes flew open as he quickly blocked the downward strike of the other's lightsaber. Instead of bearing down on Obi-Wan and pitting their strengths against each other, the dark Obi-Wan spun away almost immediately, stopping a few feet away.

He didn't wait for another move from his double. Obi-Wan launched forward, swinging his saber in a diagonal strike, almost scoring a hit, but the other jumped backwards. Obi-Wan noticed that he had again avoided a direct contest of pure strength. He must have realized that he was losing strength as Obi-Wan slowly began to release his negative feelings.

Knowing that if he could catch the other in such a way that he would have no way to flit away Obi-Wan would win, he began a fast, furious onslaught of strikes. Each time the other managed to block and skip backwards or sideways out of his reach. Obi-Wan began to grow frustrated.

"Ah, there we go!" the other said, eyes glinting. "I can feel your frustration."

Gritting his teeth, Obi-Wan let out a breath and forced himself to release his feelings into the force. After a moment, he succeeded.

"I will not lose to you," he said quietly.

"Don't be so sure."

Then they were at it again, sabers flashing as they fought. They made their way through all of the garden, Obi-Wan keeping his double on the defensive almost all of the time.

As they neared the waterfall, the dark Obi-Wan suddenly gained the upper hand. He lashed out, landing a kick to Obi-Wan's stomach. He fell to his knees and suddenly found the other's saber at his throat.

"Now," he said quietly with a small smile, "you die."

Panic flared in Obi-Wan, and though he tried to come up with a way out of this, the only thing he could think was, _I'm going to die._

X

Qui-Gon smiled slightly as he felt a rush of love and hope come to him through the bond he shared with his padawan. This was very good news, if Obi-Wan were able to call up as much hope as it appeared he had to Qui-Gon.

After that, the bond was strangely silent. He got no indication of Obi-Wan's thoughts or feelings. Even so, he kept his attention on the bond, waiting for even the slightest shadow of activity.

Several minutes later, he got it. But it was definitely not what he had been hoping for.

An intense, smothering feeling of panic came to him through the bond and he sucked in a breath as he heard the thought that accompanied it.

_I'm going to die._

A rush of protectiveness and caring welled up in him. He then sent a message back through the bond.

_No,_ he thought forcefully, _you are not going to die, Obi-Wan. You are going to find a way to overcome this and get stronger, so that someday you can become a Jedi Knight. Come back to us now, Obi-Wan. Come back to __**me**_

He hoped he got through.

X

The dark manifestation did not kill him immediately. Instead, he took it upon himself to lecture Obi-Wan about how he was doing the "right thing" and that Obi-Wan should see the "_true_ light."

While the other was busy talking, Obi-Wan received his master's thoughts. It calmed his nerves and stilled his panic, allowing him to think clearly. _Thank you, master._

He tuned in to the other's speech just as he was finishing. "It's better off this way, Obi-Wan. We both know it. But nevertheless, whether you have accepted it or not, you are now going to die."

His lightsaber had just barely bit into the side of Obi-Wan's neck when he stopped, eyes wide. He felt pain blossoming in his abdomen. Looking down, he saw blood pouring from a hole in his stomach.

A hole that Obi-Wan's saber was sticking out of.

"I guess you win," he said softly. "But you may not survive to enjoy it."

And then both Obi-Wans collapsed to the ground, blood leaking from their respective wounds.

X

Crawling in my skin

These wounds, they will not heal

Fear is how I fall

Confusing what is real…

-Linkin Park, "Crawling"


	9. Eight: Nothing But Blue Skies

Ah, so here we are. The final chapter. :D This has been fun to rediscover, and after I post this I'm going to be working on another Star Wars fic that just won't leave me alone. It's your standard "what if Qui-Gon hadn't died?" fic. xD Once that is complete, I'll be going back and editing all of the chapters of this story. My writing has changed quite a bit in the last two years, and this story could use more than a few upgrades.

**Dare You to Move**

Part VIII: Nothing But Blue Skies

Qui-Gon sat in the hard, metal chair next to his padawan's bed in the same position he'd been in for hours already. He held Obi-Wan's limp hand in his own, praying that he would wake up soon. Slowly, through the training bond, he sent his apprentice his energy. He could feel Obi-Wan getting stronger, the flow of energy from his body diminishing to the point where it became less than the flow of Qui-Gon's energy into it.

His padawan's cry startled him greatly. _I'm going to die._ Qui-Gon himself had panicked at that. Not even at the words themselves, necessarily, but at the way Obi-Wan's own panic had been pushed aside by feelings of calm and acceptance. It sent chills down his spine to think of his innocent Obi-Wan acknowledging the fact that he was going to die with more grace and serenity than many full-fledged Jedi Knights. But that wasn't all that surprising when he really thought about it. His padawan had, for a time, lost the will to live and had even _welcomed_ the idea of his death.

But then he had found a reason to survive again, in Qui-Gon's loving words. So what had happened? Qui-Gon could feel him getting stronger, even after the acknowledgement of his impending death. It wasn't that he had lost the will to live again. Maybe, Qui-Gon thought, too much damage had already been done and there was no way for him to avoid death. Maybe they had been too late, and their help had done nothing more than bring his hopes and expectations up… _Both_ of their hopes up…

Qui-Gon sucked in an uncomfortable breath at that idea. Was it true…?

"Dwell on this, you should not," he heard Master Yoda say. "Live or die, he will. Support him, the only thing you can do." Qui-Gon closed his eyes again.

"Yes, my master," he answered quietly. He redoubled his efforts, sending energy at a much faster pace. At this rate he would tire quickly, but he couldn't bring himself to care. If Obi-Wan died… he didn't know what he would do. He wasn't sure he could withstand the pain of losing yet _another_ apprentice. After all, Obi-Wan had been the one to pull him from his grief after Xanatos' turning. If he were to lose him, too, then…

The thought was forced from his mind as he suddenly felt a stabbing pain come from his apprentice through the bond. He hissed in pain, and heard a Healer cry out in alarm. He tightened his hold on Obi-Wan's hand and opened his eyes.

There was a burn on his padawan's neck. One that had not been there a moment ago… It looked like a saber burn—a bad one. And it was far too close to Obi-Wan's veins for comfort… Had one of them been hit?

"How…?" he said softly. Yoda let out a "hmm" and furrowed his brow.

"Though in his mind, this fight is, believes its effects are real, he does," said Yoda. "Tricked his body, his mind has."

Qui-Gon growled softly, and tried to release his anger into the force. He had been so _close_! He had finally convinced Obi-Wan that he had a reason to live and now he might die anyway…

"Over, the fight is," said Yoda. "Nothing more can you do, Qui-Gon. Let the Healers work, you must."

"But—"

"Out of the way, you will get, or put you in force-sleep, I will," threatened Yoda. Though he was loathe to leave his padawan's side, he had no choice. Giving Obi-Wan's hand a gentle squeeze, he stood and let go. Moving his chair to the corner, he watched the Healers begin their work.

He closed his eyes again, and focused on sending Obi-Wan more strength and comfort. He did not know how much time passed as he thought. Qui-Gon felt like crying again. He hadn't felt that much despair since he had been forced to fight Xanatos back on Telos IV two years ago. He had lost an apprentice and gained a new one, then. And though he had been too despondent at the time to realize it, finally agreeing to take Obi-Wan as his apprentice had been one of the most intelligent things he could have done, especially under those circumstances. Had it not been for Obi-Wan, he might have slipped away. In his grief, he may have lost his hold on reality. He may have lost the will to live, and quietly given himself over to his grief, joining with the force. Or worse—he could have succumbed to his anger at his apprentice's failure and followed him to the Dark side.

Qui-Gon shuddered at the thought. How close he had been to doing so he now saw, and it frightened him, in a way, to know that he would be capable of turning. But he _hadn't_, he reminded himself forcefully. He had managed to drive those negative emotions away, though not without help and motivation. The help had come from many sources: his own master, Yoda, his friend Tahl, Mace Windu, one of the Temple's mind healers, a man named Olev Shem and his then new padawan. The motivation, however, had come strictly from Obi-Wan. The boy had been extremely obedient, complying with Qui-Gon's every whim, and very attentive. He always minded everything his master said, and tried as hard as he could to better himself and please the older Jedi. It took several months, but Qui-Gon eventually came to see what an extraordinary apprentice he had found in Obi-Wan. He began to invest himself in the boy's training, and the spark he had that had made him such an effective—if sometimes quarrelsome—Jedi slowly began to return.

And then it had all come crashing down around them. Almost a year ago they had been assigned a mission to the troubled planet of Melida/Daan. That was where Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon had had their first real disagreement. It still hurt Qui-Gon remember the betrayal he had felt as Obi-Wan looked him in the eyes and handed over his lightsaber, resentment shining in the blue-grey depths. Qui-Gon had been angry, almost to the point of rage. He remembered comparing Obi-Wan to Xanatos, thinking that it had been foolish of him to take another padawan so soon after his departure from the Order.

It had hurt, Obi-Wan's actions. He hadn't seen it as Obi-Wan trying to follow what he interpreted as the will of the force; instead, he had seen it as a betrayal. The boy who had, up until then, been a near-perfect padawan disobeying him had been quite a shock.

But was that the only reason he had been so unwilling to attempt to work things out with him? _No_, Qui-Gon admitted to himself. It wasn't.

With a start, he realized that he hadn't trusted Obi-Wan. Not in the way he should have, anyway. He had allowed Xanatos' actions to taint his perception of his new apprentice. He had been subconsciously waiting for Obi-Wan to betray him just as his last padawan had.

Had Obi-Wan sensed this? Had he realized that the reason their training bond had remained mostly inactive that first year bad been because of his master's lack of trust?

Qui-Gon made himself a promise then: if—no _when_ Obi-Wan was well enough to talk, he would apologize. He had no right to be his master. He was too damaged to guide such a wonderful, bright young boy. Judging from what had happened already, he was doing Obi-Wan more harm than good.

"Too hard on yourself, you are." His master's voice broke through his thoughts. The room was empty, aside from the small, green Jedi standing in front of him.

"Where is—" Yoda must have caught the alarm in his voice, because he spoke more gently.

"In surgery, young Obi-Wan is," he said. "Almost finished, the Healers are. A close call, it was, but in time, fine he should be."

Qui-Gon's eyes filled with tears, but he managed to stop them from falling. He felt so _relieved_. Carefully, he smiled at the older Jedi.

"When can I see him?" he asked.

"In a bacta tank, he is," Yoda told him. "Out tomorrow, he will be. Take him to your quarters then, you can." Qui-Gon nodded. He felt exhausted; emotionally, mentally and physically. He stood, intending to return to the apartment he shared with his padawan, but he swayed and found himself too dizzy to move.

"Gave much of your energy, you did," said Yoda. "Stay the night here, you will, for observation."

Qui-Gon did not have the strength to protest as his aging master used his wooden walking stick to push him onto the bed. He laid down willingly, quickly falling asleep. It was blissfully dreamless.

X

When Obi-Wan woke, he was in a different room than he had been before. There was no sign of his master, and he felt a stab of disappointment at the man's absence.

"Resting, Qui-Gon is," Obi-Wan heard Yoda's familiar voice say. The small master was standing near the foot of the bed, not far from the door. "Took much of his energy, it did, healing you."

"Oh," Obi-Wan said quietly. He looked down at his hands, clasping them together in his lap. He was not sorry to have survived, but he _was_ sorry that his master had had to use his own power to make it happen.

"Sorry, you should not be. Glad to help, Qui-Gon is. Fine, he will soon be, padawan," Yoda said, fully aware of Obi-Wan's shifting feelings. He nodded and gave the master a small smile. Focusing on the force around him, he slowly released his feelings of disappointment and worry into the vast, swirling mass of energy.

"Awake now, Qui-Gon is," said Master Yoda. "Get him, I will."

"Thank you, Master," said Obi-Wan. He was alone for less than a minute. Right after the Jedi Master left, a Healer came into the room.

"How are you feeling?" the man asked gently.

"Alright, Master," Obi-Wan answered automatically. It was a habit of his, one he'd developed to save what he thought of as unnecessary time telling his master how he really was. He had thought it unnecessary simply because he had assumed Qui-Gon didn't care.

He knew better now.

When he came out of his thoughts, he found the Healer looking at him with a patient and gentle, yet demanding expression. Obi-Wan knew that he was not fooled by his response. He paused and took stock of his true condition.

"I have a small headache and my neck stings a bit," he admitted. "But I'm fine, other than that." The Healer smiled at him encouragingly. Obi-Wan felt at ease with this man, though he didn't know why. It seemed that the force around him was soothing…

"Master," he said quietly, seeing Qui-Gon standing in the doorway. He was given a smile as his master stepped into the room.

"Good afternoon, padawan. It would seem that we both slept in quite late today," Qui-Gon said, making his way to the bed. He sat down on it, the gentle, reassuring smile still in place. His eyes twinkled with happiness and good humour. "Then again, I think we've both earned the rest."

"Y-yes, Master," Obi-Wan said, a smile of his own threatening to break free. "I suppose we have."

"How are you, Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon asked abruptly.

Without thinking, Obi-Wan responded, "Fine, Master."

"Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon's tone was stern, yet encouraging and strangely gentle for him. His padawan dared not argue or push his limits when that kind of voice was used. "The truth, if you please."

"Yes, Master. My head hurts a little. My neck, too." It was almost exactly what he had told the Healer. Remembering the man, he looked around for him. He was standing in the corner, watching the two interact. Qui-Gon saw that his padawan's gaze was no longer directed at him and followed it.

"Thank you, Obi-Wan," the Jedi Master said. "I see you've met Oleve Shem."

"Not formally," he answered. He gave the man a small nod of the head which was returned.

"Master Shem is a Mind Healer,' Qui-Gon said. "He helped me sort through my negative impulses after the… the events on Telos IV." Obi-Wan blinked in mild surprise. He hadn't known that his master had been seeing a Mind Healer…

Once Qui-Gon felt that he had his apprentice's attention again, he continued. "The two of us will be seeing him often for a while." Again, Obi-Wan looked surprised. "If that is agreeable…?"

"It's fine," he assured his master. He received another smile in return. His eyes widened marginally as he saw Qui-Gon's eyes begin to fill with tears, though they did not fall and the smile remained in place. "Master…?"

Suddenly he was pulled forward until his head rested on Qui-Gon's shoulder. His master's arms wrapped around him tightly in a rare embrace.

"I was so worried," he whispered hoarsely. "I thought… you…" Obi-Wan wrapped his arms around Qui-Gon and grasped his tunic.

"So did I," he agreed. "But… I didn't, and I'm fine now. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere."

Without warning he began to cry, burying his face in his master's shoulder. If he was surprised when Qui-Gon joined him, he didn't show it merely tightening his hold on the older man in a silent promise never to leave.

X

One month after the whole ordeal was over, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan were well on their way to becoming one of the best teams in the Temple, if not _the_ best team. Their bond grew stronger with each passing day, as did Obi-Wan's confidence in himself. He no longer doubted Qui-Gon's love fro him, but his feelings of self-doubt were harder to shake. With the help of Master Shem and Master Yoda, they began to grow closer to each other.

They had bad days, of course, and there were times when they bickered, but those were easily overcome. Things that had seemed momentous before now seemed merely trivial, and not worth their attention.

It wasn't perfect—nothing ever is—but it was good, and it worked. And that's all that the two asked.

X

where do you live?  
love is a place  
where are you from?  
She says, ask yourself ask anyone  
what's holding up her face   
nothing but blue skies  
passage ways the mind's eye   
contemplates

-Metric, "Love is a Place"


End file.
